Katy Perry’s “Part Of Me” the 3D Concert Film Documentary thing arrives on DVD this week. While it was a moderate success at the box office it will likely be a “stocking filler” choice by many harassed parents as they sail past bargain DVDs and One Direction merch in whatever supermarket is doing a sideline in entertainment products this Christmas.
Unlike say Madonna’s infamous In Bed With Madonna (aka Truth Or Dare aka THE GREATEST FILM EVER) Perry’s film never really gives you any sense of what she’s really like or allows anyone other than her to speak about life on the road. Apart from the rather upsetting sequence where she breaks down in Brazil after divorcing her husband it’s all fluffy as can be, a 90 minute advert on LIVING UR DREAMZ!1!! and NEVAH GIVN UP!1!. It’s a shame, because as bubblegum as her songs may be, Perry regularly displays a sharp wit and a camp self-awareness that makes for engaging interviews. Instead we’re left with a bargain basement E! True Hollywood Story with a few pop songs scattered throughout.
How could we improve it then?
Below are 10 Ways In Which Part Of Me Could Have Been A Bit Less Rubbish.
10: Less Whitewashing: The story arc of Katy’s struggle to find stardom is a lynchpin to the film. There are some fun details about how she barely made money but the mini controversy over her buzz single Ur So Gay that garnered blog attention both good and bad before I Kissed A Girl blew up is never touched on. In fact discussing how Perry weathered this and how it could have derailed her eventual big break is an interesting plot point completely ignored for a chance to go WOW SHE JUST GO SO BIG SO FAST.
9: 3D Grandma: Katy’s surly 90 something year old grandma is the highlight of the whole film and the fact that she never gets a moment to loom out at you in 3D is a disgrace. A DISGRACE.
8: More Celebs: The bit where Adele turns up and says SHEZ JUZ GOD A LODDA ‘ITS ‘ASNT SHE? Is so unexpected and delightful that you wish that she’d been a talking head throughout. AH REMEMBAH AH KISSED A GIRL BIT UHV A CATCHY SONG WUZN’T IT? And so on.
7: A Proper Performance of Part Of Me: Despite a sense of fatigue with Katy’s never ending slew of chart smashes the film’s title track is actually a solid gold stomper. How fun would it have been if there had been an elaborate performance of it over the end credits? Feather boas, explosions, glamour etc etc. It would certainly make up for that risible video she did for it. Shudder.
6: A Proper Rihanna Cameo: We all know Katy and Riri are best mates so why there isn’t a extended sequence where they braid each others hair, have a sleepover and talk shit about boys is beyond me. Imagine a documentary film that was basically a pop version of Thelma and Louise, with Riri n KP prank calling Lady Gaga, eating too much junk food etc etc. It would be incredible.
5: Wigs : A discussion of what it must be like for KP to wear so many wigs and perhaps a gratuitous of her Wig Room (because she must have one. She must) would have been nice. I’m just saying.
|Here are some wigs. But not Katy wigs : (|
4: Acknowledgement: The bit where a bunch of teen girls singing the nursery rhyme hook of Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F) as if getting so drunk you blackout is as casual as your morning Cheerios is oddly disturbing. It would have been fitting for someone as self as aware Katy Perry to go “Um, that’s weird, nervous laugh, oops, moving on” etc (This parody of the song kind of sums up my feelings on this)
3: More Cats Please: The bit where Katy and friends visit the Cat Café in Japan should have been extended to be about 30 minutes of the entire movie to be quite honest.
2: “THE SPLIT” : LOOK KATY I DON’T MEAN TO SHOUT BUT YOU SPENT ALL THIS TIME FLAPPING AROUND THE RED CARPET WITH YOUR FELLA AND SINGING SONGS ABOUT HIM AND THEN WE GET A VAGUE NOT VERY CLEAR IDEA OF WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN YOU SO WHY DID YOU NOT LOOK AT IT PROPERLY I’M JUST SAYING EVEN AN E! TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY WOULD HAVE GONE INTO MORE DETAIL OK THANKS.
1: No, Really, Katy’s Grandma: Not only should have been in 3D she should have been in every scene. Katy’s Grandma is a Honey Boo Boo style scene-stealer. Now there’s a reality show we’d watch.
To sum up: Someone get Rihanna and Katy Perry their own film, someone get Katy’s granny her own TV show and someone make sure they don’t get me this DVD for Christmas.
Disclaimer: I've bought both her albums so Katy Perry is basically laughing all the way to the bank/vault/whatever she uses to put all her money in