Thursday, May 12, 2011

Music Video Run Down: Your Guide to Gaga, Rihanna, JLo.. and Nicole!

It’s been a big week or so for the hallowed music video. Why?  Because Lady Gaga, Jennifer Lopez, Rihanna and er…. Nicole Scherzinger all unveiled new videos. Oh my, how exciting!

To celebrate such a momentous time in my favourite video related art form (sorry “Cinema”.) here is my handy guide to the current crop of big music videos.

You’re welcome.

Lady Gaga – Judas

What is it: Why it’s the new video from Lady “Yes That Really Is My New Album Cover” Gaga. It apparently cost “10 million dollars” to make which I reckon is bullshit and/or they spent all the money on the lipstick gun.

Is it good: Yes, actually it is. Gaga co-directs alongside longtime collaborator and choreographer Laurieann Gibson and finally finds a neat middle ground between symbolism/messages/that sorta shit and a stylishly executed pop video with plenty of attitude, dance and energy. Gaga has mentioned that the video has a “painterly” look which is a good description.There are some brilliant images scattered throughout. In short , this video is very good.

Do Say: “I really like the new Gaga video, she drapes out of Jesus and does her best to nail the dance break. What a champ”

Don’t Say: “Oh my GOD, like it looks like a Madonna video? Like why can’t all pop videos be completely original. URGHGHAHGAH”

MTV Video Music Awards Moonmen Out of 10: 9

Jennifer Lopez “I’m Into You”

What is it: Why it’s the new video from Jenny from the Block, J.LO, your friend and mine … Jennifer Lopez! I’ve already blogged about my love of this sun drenched pop treat and now we have a beautiful video to go along with it. Marvel! As Jennifer reclines on a palace step, headscarf adorned across her popstar head. Gasp! As Jennifer looks even YOUNGER than she did 10 years ago. Wonder! If that metal dress wasn’t a bit heavy when it got wet. Hmm.

Is it Good: Um, it’s AMAZING. It’s everything you’d want from a traditional blockbuster pop video. Beautiful people floating around being beautiful, an impromptu dance break, lots of sizzle from La Lopez. The Melina directed video isn’t a million miles from the vintage Herb Ritts music videos (like this) and that is a very good thing.

Do Say: “This is the greatest thing I have ever seen in my life”

Don’t Say: “What the f8*k is a love controller?”

MTV Video Music Awards Moonmen out of 10: 8

Rihanna “California King Bed”

What is it: It’s the new single from the pop behemoth that is Rihanna. Her latest album Loud (despite being a case of 3 amazing singles and a boatload of filler) has been a huge success and well we all know how the singles have done. California King Bed is the token ballad and with that comes the token ballad video. In fact I would like this song 900% more if it was called Token Ballad.

Is It Good: No. This is shit. Seriously. It’s not even that it’s bad … it’s BORING. Rihanna, god bless her is rarely dull even if her “I’m so sexy, no, look, honest” shtick wears thin. But this is painful. Rihanna lies around, emotes poorly, makes you wonder why she chose this as a single. It looks lovely and there is some unintentional giggles when the video inexplicably shifts from colour to black and white and back to colour again. There is also a hilarious bit where a bed lengthening magically is supposed to be a key emotional moment. But overall, NOT GOOD.

Do Say: “Isn’t her hair nice?”

Don’t Say: “This is the exact kind of moving ballad and emotionally resonant music I want Rihanna to do. No more club stompers please”

MTV Video Music Awards Moonmen out of 10: 3

Nicole Scherzinger “Right There featuring 50 Cent”

What is it: The 3rd single from Scherzinger’s solo album “Killer Love” and the first to be launched in the US now that Nicole is co-hosting The US X Factor with Steve “I Went Out With Pam Anderson Once” Jones. And also because it is 2003 and it’s 50 Cent appears on the “radio edit remix”.

Is It Good: Kind of. I mean the song is actually a bit of an earworm, slight but infectious and has a nice bounce to it. Nicole bops around with so much vigour you sort of bounce along with her. Like dancing at a wedding with your elder aunt who is surprisingly good at dancing. BUT hold on. What is Nicole wearing,? what are those odd dance moves she’s doing? Why does she end up at a lesbian night club drinking brand name alcohol? Has she rejected the smooth moves of Fiddy Cent for some lady love? Possibly. This is a fun video but one that works more on a “is she REALLY giving me the thumbs up while dancing on a moving platform?” level. Y’know?

Do Say: “ I could DEFINITELY whip the dance routine to this out in the club. If it was 2003.”

Don’t Say: “The clothes in this video are flawless”

MTV Video Music Awards Moonmen Out Of 10: 6

Looks like our winner is.. Lady Gaga! But honourable mention to JLo bringing up the rear (BOOM BOOM), trailed by Nicole Scherzinger. Meanwhile, Rihanna lounges on a bed somewhere, crying fake unconvincing tears.