10 Ways Katy Perry's "Part of Me" Could Have Been Vastly Improved.

I knocked this together around Christmas when I noticed that Katy Perry's "Part of Me" documentary was being flogged as Christmas gift idea. And even when the likes of Jessie Ware were saying how the film was like, well insightful. Eh, what? It wasn't. This is sort of a sister piece to the time I wasn't impressed with her Wide Awake video. I quite like KP, I just find her a bit disappointing sometimes. Like a wayward cousin I only see during big holidays. Anyway, enjoy!

-----------------------------------------

Katy Perry’s “Part Of Me” the 3D Concert Film Documentary thing arrives on DVD this week. While it was a moderate success at the box office it will likely be a “stocking filler” choice by many harassed parents as they sail past bargain DVDs and One Direction merch in whatever supermarket is doing a sideline in entertainment products this Christmas.

Unlike say Madonna’s infamous In Bed With Madonna (aka Truth Or Dare aka THE GREATEST FILM EVER) Perry’s film never really gives you any sense of what she’s really like or allows anyone other than her to speak about life on the road. Apart from the rather upsetting sequence where she breaks down in Brazil after divorcing her husband it’s all fluffy as can be, a 90 minute advert on LIVING UR DREAMZ!1!! and NEVAH GIVN UP!1!. It’s a shame, because as bubblegum as her songs may be, Perry regularly displays a sharp wit and a camp self-awareness that makes for engaging interviews. Instead we’re left with a bargain basement E! True Hollywood Story with a few pop songs scattered throughout.

How could we improve it then?

Below are 10 Ways In Which Part Of Me Could Have Been A Bit Less Rubbish.

10: Less Whitewashing: The story arc of Katy’s struggle to find stardom is a lynchpin to the film. There are some fun details about how she barely made money but the mini controversy over her buzz single Ur So Gay that garnered blog attention both good and bad before I Kissed A Girl blew up is never touched on. In fact discussing how Perry weathered this and how it could have derailed her eventual big break is an interesting plot point completely ignored for a chance to go WOW SHE JUST GO SO BIG SO FAST.

9: 3D Grandma: Katy’s surly 90 something year old grandma is the highlight of the whole film and the fact that she never gets a moment to loom out at you in 3D is a disgrace. A DISGRACE.

8: More Celebs: The bit where Adele turns up and says SHEZ JUZ GOD A LODDA ‘ITS ‘ASNT SHE? Is so unexpected and delightful that you wish that she’d been a talking head throughout. AH REMEMBAH AH KISSED A GIRL BIT UHV A CATCHY SONG WUZN’T IT? And so on.

7: A Proper Performance of Part Of Me: Despite a sense of fatigue with Katy’s never ending slew of chart smashes the film’s title track is actually a solid gold stomper. How fun would it have been if there had been an elaborate performance of it over the end credits? Feather boas, explosions, glamour etc etc. It would certainly make up for that risible video she did for it. Shudder.

6: A Proper Rihanna Cameo: We all know Katy and Riri are best mates so why there isn’t a extended sequence where they braid each others hair, have a sleepover and talk shit about boys is beyond me. Imagine a documentary film that was basically a pop version of Thelma and Louise, with Riri n KP prank calling Lady Gaga, eating too much junk food etc etc. It would be incredible.

5: Wigs : A discussion of what it must be like for KP to wear so many wigs and perhaps a gratuitous of her Wig Room (because she must have one. She must) would have been nice. I’m just saying.

Here are some wigs. But not Katy wigs : (

4: Acknowledgement: The bit where a bunch of teen girls singing the nursery rhyme hook of Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F) as if getting so drunk you blackout is as casual as your morning Cheerios is oddly disturbing. It would have been fitting for someone as self as aware Katy Perry to go “Um, that’s weird, nervous laugh, oops, moving on” etc (This parody of the song kind of sums up my feelings on this)

3: More Cats Please: The bit where Katy and friends visit the Cat Café in Japan should have been extended to be about 30 minutes of the entire movie to be quite honest.

2: “THE SPLIT” : LOOK KATY I DON’T MEAN TO SHOUT BUT YOU SPENT ALL THIS TIME FLAPPING AROUND THE RED CARPET WITH YOUR FELLA AND SINGING SONGS ABOUT HIM AND THEN WE GET A VAGUE NOT VERY CLEAR IDEA OF WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN YOU SO WHY DID YOU NOT LOOK AT IT PROPERLY I’M JUST SAYING EVEN AN E! TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY WOULD HAVE GONE INTO MORE DETAIL OK THANKS.

1: No, Really, Katy’s Grandma: Not only should have been in 3D she should have been in every scene. Katy’s Grandma is a Honey Boo Boo style scene-stealer.  Now there’s a reality show we’d watch.

To sum up: Someone get Rihanna and Katy Perry their own film, someone get Katy’s granny her own TV show and someone make sure they don’t get me this DVD for Christmas.

----------------------------------------------

Disclaimer: I've bought both her albums so Katy Perry is basically laughing all the way to the bank/vault/whatever she uses to put all her money in

Best of the Year Lists Alert!

If you're into that sort of thing (AND WHO ISN'T) then make sure you catch my Top 10 Albums and Top 40 Pop Singles of 2012 lists over on GCN.ie this week. Quite a bit of work to get lined up but very enjoyable all the same!

The singles post also includes a helpful playlist of all 40 songs should you need an office / Christmas party soundtrack. Feel free to suggest your faves in the comments below!

Popstar in Bloom: Christina Aguilera "Lotus" Review

"Rise up, Lotus, Rise, this is the beginning" Christina Aguilera coos on the opening track of fifth album Lotus. She may have licked her wounds after the disaster that was Bionic in 2010 but Lotus sees one of pop's signature voices claw back into the fray.

The Goldfrapp-lite opening intro mentioned above sees Christina whisper over a wobbly R&B meets electronica beat. It's a kooky and slightly drawn out opener but it hints that she might be about to head into the futuristic sonic textures Bionic promised but didn't deliver. In reality it's a misnomer with the album zooming into an uptempo but straightforward pop vein for a solid six tracks.

Surprisingly, it gels fairly well early on. Zippy, zesty danceable rhythms highlight Christina's pipes as well as any mournful ballad when done properly. Army Of Me, as she's pointed out,  is a fairly obvious nod to Fighter and it's "You won't stop me message". It's not quite as impressive but it's a solid slab of fist-pumping pop. Red Hot Kinda Love is a cheeky but enjoyable sex jam that feels more flirty and knowing than some of her previous attempts at proclaiming her sexuality. Make The World Move is an awkward collage of soul pop and electro flourishes as Aguilera's co-judge on The Voice, Cee-Lo pops up for a warm and fuzzy ode to just getting along with everyone. It's a tad cheesy but the bouncy production and ebullient chorus make it an adequate slice of pop candy.

Next is current single, Your Body one of Aguilera's strongest pop moments in quite some time albeit one that is failing to smash on the charts. The first of two cuts co-written by hyper-successful Max Martin (Britney Spears, Katy Perry, Basically Every Big Popstar of the Last 10 Years), it's followed by the straight-up dance pop of Let There Be Love, which is a tad generic but comes equipped with a hook so big it's hard to dislike and it gives Christina plenty of moments to ad-lib and holler with the best of them.

Then comes a ballad-y chunk. The Sia penned Blank Page is truly lovely, a sister track to Beautiful that could do big things as a single. Sadly, Cease Fire and Sing For Me fall flat, letting Aguilera's own vocals become grating and misplaced when they should be soaring and uplifting.

Next up is a Rihanna "I like a bit of sex, me" style romp in Around the World which has a fun, down and dirty vibe but feels a tad slight. Circles is a bitter but oddly enjoyable flip of the bird to detractors. It's not very strong melodically but it's a rare moment of genuine personality on an album that seems to drain much of Aguilera's famed bolshiness. Best of Me is another decent if not stellar ballad that has a nice sense of melancholy to it. 

A real surprise is the duet with her other Voice judge Blake Shelton on Just A Fool. Yes it's a country-pop extravaganza that's blatantly squared at US radio but it's actually a decent duet and one of the strongest songs musically on the whole release. It's one of the few songs that Aguilera nails both in terms of emotional delivery and vocal hysterics too.

The addition of the bonus tracks on the deluxe edition (The standard release for the album in many European territories) will get the hopes of fans who know that her previous album hid some gems on it's deluxe side. Sadly, they're a mixed bag. Light Up The Sky is sweet but unmemorable, another mid-tempo track too concerned with schmaltz then letting Aguilera shine vocally. Empty Words is something of a hidden gem with some nicely drawn lyrics and a big, belt-y hook that wouldn't have been out of place on the main edition of the album. Shut Up is the sequel to Circles with a bleeped but still feisty hook telling imitators, haters and people of that nature to "Shut the f**k up". It's not her strongest song but it is an enjoyable slice of bratty pop. There's also a decent, if not dazzling remix of Your Body by Martin Carrix to enjoy too.

Decent but not dazzling, could in fact be applied to the majority of Lotus. It's certainly not a stinker and hits enough sweet spots over it's lean run time to please fans and suggest that there's life in Christina as a big pop star. Sadly, it never quite delivers the knockout moment you know she needs to really succeed. 

Lotus is out now on RCA.